As I’ve shared previously, I love the practical and try to share strategies here as much as possible. Today I want to share Elena Aguilar’s 10 tips for dealing with difficult people taken from Chapter 8: Cultivate Compassion in Onward. I just love how she uses a lens of compassion when dealing with people we perceive to be difficult.
- Listen to their complaints, but without comment. Be very careful that you’re not feeding their negativity.
- Don’t get hooked on their story lines or worked up about their attitude. Imagine you’re watching stormy weather.
- Get curious about what’s going on for them. Your curiosity can stay in your mind, or you can ask a truly curious question or two.
- Don’t take other people’s behavior personally. It is never about you.
- Cultivate awareness of common ground. It’s there, somewhere. You might have to search, but find connections.
- Remind yourself that people can change. Make sure you’re not holding onto a fixed mindset about their ability to grow.
- Say this to yourself: Just like me, this person has suffered in her life. Just like me, this person wants to belong. Just like me, this person wants to be happy.
- Stay clear about your own values. You can let go fo anger (if you want), be compassionate, and stay true to values.
- Give yourself permission to step away. Draw boundaries.
- Ask for help. Turn to a colleague, a coach, or your supervisor, share what’s going on, and ask for help in dealing with the person.